


maybe i wanna spend my life with you

by RippingOffZeppelin



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Louis POV, M/M, Pining, elements of real events but not really, just idiots in love being idiots in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 14:27:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19253032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RippingOffZeppelin/pseuds/RippingOffZeppelin
Summary: When Louis' in love it's very obvious. Apparently.





	maybe i wanna spend my life with you

**Author's Note:**

> this is from forever ago i just neatened it up to finally post, i swear i’m still working on my other fics i SWEAR
> 
> title from ‘Maybe (Luck Of The Draw)’ by The Vaccines 
> 
> article mentioned: http://ew.com/article/2015/08/06/one-direction-concert-review-metlife-stadium/

_“When interacting with his bandmates, Tomlinson, 23, is a mischief-maker, playfully terrorising Payne not unlike a schoolboy with a crush”_

 He reads it and re-reads it and then re-reads it again, he stares at the screen so long his eyes blur, it takes maybe five minutes for it to properly sink in, and then it  _does;_ and he feels like someone just threw a bucket of cold water over him.  _’Schoolboy with a crush’_ it says.  _‘Crush’- ’Terrorising Payne not unlike a schoolboy with a_ ** _crush_** _’._

He takes a deep breath to calm himself down and then turns his head to smother himself with his pillow. 

He spends the next ten minutes trying to think up jokes that he can say if any of the boys mention the article, doesn’t want to be caught out if they try and tease him about it, can’t let himself be more obvious than he apparently already is, and god he didn’t even  _notice,_ he hasn’t been obvious about it in _years_. Maybe it was Zayn leaving that pushed it to be as noticeable now as it was in the beginning, they’re under more of a microscope than they were before, there’s a bit more pressure, and after everything they’ve all been through when Louis clings to Liam now, Liam tends to cling back; makes it a bit harder to let go sometimes. 

He reads the article all the way through again before slamming his laptop shut, it’s stupid is what it is, he’s fine, just fine, it’s some dumb pulling at pigtails analogy that no one’s going to blink twice at, he’s fine. 

He’s not fine.

He’s dialled and redialled Paul’s number 9 times, hanging up before it could ring more than once every time, he doesn’t even know if Paul could get the article taken down anyway, besides it’s not like there’s anything in it Louis could claim as inflammatory, he’d have to tell Paul why he wants it gone and Paul would just sigh at him and be of little, little help. Really the only person who  _would_  help is Liam, Liam’s good at that, helping; calming Louis down, figuring that stuff out, it’s obviously out of the question but his thumb still lingers over the call button, staring down at Liam’s dumb contact picture in distress. Fuck. 

He ends up chucking his phone across the room to resist the temptation, looking back to his laptop next to him he angrily boots it up just to close out of the article properly. It only takes him a brief moment of glaring at his desktop screen to open it again and read it one more time; what does this person know anyway? nothing that’s what, clearly doesn’t know what banter between mates looks like, it’s sad really, Louis’ full of pity. It takes him a good couple minutes but he finally actually closes his laptop and pushes it to the end of the bed, he turns to look at the clock on the hotel side table, it’s red numbers glow 3:10 AM out into the darkness, he sighs, scrubbing his hands over his face, lying back down and forcing himself to relax enough to sleep. 

It’s fine. He’s _fine._            

-

Niall wakes him up with a couple pairs of dirty socks shoved into his face, all things considered, he’s woken up to worse.

“I’m not even sharing a bloody room with you and I’m still finding your disgusting socks all over my floor”

“It’s a talent” Louis mumbles from under said socks, turning his head just enough to be able to see the time “It’s also 7 in the morning” 

“Yeah and we have to be in the car for interviews in 40 so you’re lucky I got sent to wake you up” Louis closes his eyes again and chucks the socks in the general direction of Niall’s voice “Get a move on Tommo if you make us late Paul’ll have your head and Liam will spend the day pouting” Louis’ eyes snap open again at the mention of Liam, he sits up, eyeing Niall carefully, he’s digging around in Louis’ mini fridge, the familiar sight has the knot that’s forming in his chest loosen a little 

“Empty yours all already?” he asks, Niall turns and grins around a chocolate bar, waggling his eyebrows, Louis takes it as a yes, chuckling softly. He picks at a loose thread on his sheets watching Niall turn back to the fridge “So you uh- read anything about the show last night?” he hedges

“Yeah” he says flashing Louis a small smile “Lots of brilliant tweets, I mean they miss him-” And oh, he thinks Louis’ talking about Zayn, checking in to see what the fans are saying, “-But we’re doing good I think” They are, as well as they can be, it was a little like losing a limb in the beginning, it’s still feels a bit like they’re getting used to seeing in the dark, but they’re doing good, Louis smiles softly at him, there’s a shadow in the room now as there always is when Zayn’s mentioned, he tries his best to shake it 

“Crushing it” he agrees “As per usual” Niall snorts “So, you just read tweets then?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Nothing” he says, he doesn’t want to be the one to bring up the article, but Niall’s still looking at him curiously so he deflects “Just thought maybe someone wrote a blog post about how you dropped your trousers over Harry’s wet shirt” Niall splutters

“Oi! I did not you perve! my belt broke, it was a whazzit- _wardrobe malfunction_ ” he emphasises the words, Louis laughs at him “The fact that it broke when you decided to pour a bottle of water over Hazza’s head is probably your deal with the devil in action” Louis grins sharply, pushing himself out of bed and padding over to the bathroom, rustling Niall’s hair as he goes. 

He takes a quick shower and gets dressed, it’s nothing but interviews all day and hair and make up will fix him up before cameras get pointed in his direction so he doesn’t really care too much about making himself look overly presentable. Niall’s still in his room when he comes out, shoving snacks in his pockets and Louis fully calms down, because everything’s happening exactly as usual, because the world didn’t end, and he’s not broadcasting ‘I Love Liam Payne’ over his head in flashing neon.

-

They make it downstairs and Louis sticks to Niall at the breakfast bar, filling a plate even though he’s not hungry and following him to the table at the back where Harry’s drinking his tea 

“You’ve already eaten Niall!” Harry tuts, as Niall sits down with a plate piled high from the buffet, Niall shrugs, gesturing to Louis and his own plate of food

“You want Lou to eat alone?” he asks fake incredulous through a mouthful of bacon, Louis bites back a laugh at Harry’s dry look

“Yeah Harry” he gasps, hand to his heart, bottom lip quivering “You want me to eat alone?” Harry sighs at both of them and Louis decides not to mention the bags of crisps in the pockets of Niall’s hoodie, he’s a good friend like that.

“Where’s Liam?” Niall asks, and Louis tenses again immediately 

“Phone call” Harry says, gesturing back the way they came and Louis breathes out, it’s going to be fine, he tells himself, forcing his posture to loosen; he’s been swallowing this shit for years, he knows what he’s doing. 

Harry ends up picking off Louis’ plate as much as Niall, normally he would be complaining that they could get their own and barricading his food with his arms and a defensive wall built out of forks and salt shakers but he’s got a gnawing in his stomach that’s making him queasy enough to let the lads free-for-all his brekkie without taking evasive action. He’s zones back into the conversation when Niall leans back in his chair, tipping it onto it’s back two legs and waving a hand above his head like they’re not the only people in the dining area 

“Li!” he calls and Louis winces, squaring his shoulders 

“Lads” Liam greets as he makes it to the table, this side of too cheerful for how early it is; Louis finally turns to look at him and it’s like seeing Liam brings everything crashing back into the forefront of his mind, _’Schoolboy with a crush’_ flashes through his head in 3D Technicolour and he suddenly really feels like one, cheeks heating up, palms sweating, Liam smiles at him and Louis has to force himself to return it normally.

“Heard you almost didn’t make it” Liam says to him, laugh playing on his lips “Late night?” Louis swallows, banter, he can do this.

“Comforting dear Nialler here, after his unfortunate wardrobe malfunction” Louis says gravely, patting Niall’s arm, “Revealed his cock to a couple thousand pre teens didn’t he” Niall pulls his arm back and shoves a spoonful of scrambled eggs into Louis’ mouth; Louis gags while Liam laughs at them.

“Twat” he coughs out, spitting the eggs out on his plate, Niall cackles brightly beside him

“Gross” Harry complains leaning away from the table, Louis sticks up a middle finger at him, at Niall, at the world in general. Liam passes him a bottle of water, thumping him on the back a couple times, before resting his hand on Louis shoulder, rubbing gently

“You good?” He asks

“Yeah fine” Louis croaks, gulping down the water, his eyes are watering and Niall’s still snickering next to him, Louis digs his elbow in his ribs and tries to ignore the way Liam’s looking at him.

“Alright boys we’re heading” Paul calls, Liam removes his hand. Louis’ shoulder burns.

-

He spends the rest of the day on edge waiting for someone to mention the article, mention Liam, mention that he apparently has his feelings tattooed on his face for everyone to see, but they don’t, and somehow that’s almost worse than if they had, because now it’s only in his head. He doesn’t even have a chance to deflect it, to make fun of it, it just sits in his brain heavy and insistent and it’s driving him a little crazy which is making him progressively more quiet and twitchy through the interviews, by the fourth one he’s bouncing his leg and steadily avoiding eye contact. Liam notices, because of course he does, puts a big hand on Louis’ knee and gives him the Payne eyebrows of motherly concern, Louis just shrugs, trying to subtly move his leg out from under Liam’s hand, Liam frowns at him but he does turn back to the interview. 

After they cut Liam herds him towards the side of the room away from everyone before he can escape, he should have expected it, Liam is near unavoidable when he’s worried about you, it’s lovely, if not super inconvenient right now 

“You ok?” he asks, brow creased, and Louis sighs, actively trying to pull himself together 

“Yeah, yeah just tired” He doesn’t seem to buy it, but Louis puts on his best exhausted face, hunching his shoulders, and Liam relents, putting his hands on Louis’ shoulders and brushing them down his arms 

“You should sleep more” he says voice soft “What fun are interviews without you blabbing your way through the whole thing? these people might actually get some straight answers out of us” Louis snorts at that and Liam crooks a grin at him, squeezing his biceps 

“Get a room!” Niall yells from the snack table, Louis jolts and throws a glare at him, then at Harry, who’s snickering next to Niall, for good measure

“Bugger off he’s tired”

“Wear him out then?” Louis pulls away from Liam then, cheeks heating up

“Oi!” Liam calls laughing along “You’re a menace Horan” Louis does his best to force a chuckle, using the distraction to move away, make some space, Liam lets him shuffle back over to the couch they’ve got them packed onto. He falls onto it with a groan and stares at Harry till he gets the hint and wanders over

“What?”

“Sit here” Louis says pulling him down next to him 

“Liam was sitting here first” he says and Louis doesn’t give a toss really he’s not about to spend the next lot of these interviews squished up next to Liam again, if people want him to act normal then sacrifices need to be made

“Doesn’t matter” he says, Harry frowns but doesn’t move 

-

The rest of the interviews pass by in a relative blur, Liam does his best to keep everyone focused and Louis does his best to not stare at his mouth when he talks. There’s an awful moment in the middle of it where they seperate them so they can do two interviews at once to save time and Louis’ alone with Liam without a buffer but he manages to make it through without making too much of an ass out of himself, or really- by making a complete ass out of himself as a distraction.

The last reporter leaves, Louis forgot his name almost immediately after the guy said it, any other time he probably would have felt worse about that but right now he’s just happy to have made it through the day. He lets himself sink back into the couch, eyes closing, exhausted just from trying to keep himself in check, he feels Harry get up from where he’s sitting next to him, Paul’s calling out a ten minute warning till the cars arrive to take them back and Louis blows out a deep breath, blinking his eyes back open. 

“Long day huh?” Liam says walking up, he stretches out his back before flopping down heavy next to him, throwing an arm across the back of the couch and reaching up to rub his fingers across the nape of Louis’ neck, Louis lurches up like he’s been burnt, eyes flicking around the room to see if anyone was paying attention to them

“Lou?” Liam asks confused

“Uh- bathroom” he says, shuffling out of the room and wandering down the hall, he has no idea where he’s going so it ends up taking him a good few minutes to actually find the bathroom and by the time he’s gotten there he’s worked himself into a good panic.

He splashes water over his face, hands gripping the sides of the sink as he takes a deep breath, locking eyes with himself in the mirror “Get a grip” he tells his reflection, glaring at it. 

It’s fine, he can handle this, everything’s exactly the same as it was before; he’s been doing the ‘i’m not in love’ song and dance for forever, he got quite good at it when Liam got serious with Danielle for the second time and Louis properly, really, understood that he didn’t have a fucking chance. So it’s frustrating and unfair that it's getting harder to keep it up now, because he’s managed to keep this shit on lock for literally  _years_ and now some stupid magazine article has managed to throw it all off in a  _day_. But he can handle it.

“Louis!” Paul calls, banging on the door “Car’s here let’s go!”

He pushes out a breath, he can handle it.

-

He can’t handle it. Turns out.

It’s been 2 days and he’s gotten to the point where he can’t spend time with Liam without thinking of that article and wondering what his face looks like when he’s looking at him, how much he’s touching him, (too much? not enough?) it’s driving him fucking crazy. It’s like someone pointed out his breathing and now he can’t stop noticing it. 

He’s trying his hardest not to make things weird, not after he’s spent so much time getting past these feelings, making sure to not let them get in the way. It’s just a dumb fucking crush that’s been there for so long Louis never could have predicted it bubbling up like this, where it’s now resting just under his skin, bursting at the seams, instead of buried deep in his chest where it had been lying dormant this entire time. And really avoiding Liam was probably not the best plan, but Louis isn’t really the best at planning things out even when his brain is working at full capacity. So he just pulls back.

He starts hiding in hotel rooms and pretending to be asleep, he dodges Liam’s texts and starts trailing after Niall when he wants to get fresh air; it’s not subtle at all, he knows that, but also he’s about as subtle as a car crash the majority of the time so it’s honestly unsurprising. And quite frankly having some random person point out his feelings (feelings he was doing a good job of ignoring thank you) not just to him but to everyone with eyes that can read, and chooses to read stupid articles from stupid magazines that make stupid assumptions and unknowingly wreck Louis' stupid life, isn’t really the best situation to flex new found subtlety. So he just, stops. He stops reaching out for Liam, he stops cornering him and bringing him along to do all the dumb shit they normally do and he does his best to pretend it’s all normal. 

-

“Lou we’re heading out” Harry calls through the bunk curtain, Louis grunts an affirmative at him from where his face is crushed against his pillow. He loves days off, days off are a godsend, sleeping in a cramped bunk on a tour bus has never felt so good. It takes a while for his brain to kick start enough to realise what Harry said, the guys decided yesterday they were going out for the day and Louis bunked off more than happy to spend the whole day alone where he doesn’t have to watch how he acts, what he says. 

He lies half asleep waiting till he can’t hear any noise in the bus, before he stretches and actually contemplates getting out of bed. He’s not actually proud that he’s hiding, i t’s been a full week now of dodging Liam whenever he can, it was immediately noticeable, trying to untangle himself from him, and so weird, he knew it would be weird, with how close they are now, how attached at the hip.

He figures when they have some time off, he’ll pull his feelings out, and actually put some effort into moving on, he hasn’t revisited this in a long time, and this is just proving that he needs to, he needs to get over it instead of just pushing it down again; but these feelings are something that would really shift _everything_ between them and none of them need any more big shake ups right now, so he has to let it be weird until he can handle it. 

He stretches out his back and pulls himself out of his bunk, figures he’ll probably spend the day dicking around playing fifa, maybe call his mum, get Harry to bring him back some food, enjoy not actually having to go outside all day. 

It’s not till he’s out of the sleeping area that he hears it; the sounds of someone moving around down the other end of the bus, he tiptoes forward hoping to see Paul cleaning up and muttering insults about them to himself. He cranes his neck through the door, Liam’s in the little kitchenette, making food and humming to himself and just seeing him, soft and sleepy in loose sweats with flat hair makes Louis’ heart hurt; he means to turn back around and spend the rest of the day hiding out in his tiny bunk, avoiding contact and trying not to think about how fucking complicated everything’s getting, but there’s something about Liam like this, dancing around the small  space of the tour bus, how he fills up all the empty  bits in the quiet of the sunny Saturday afternoon, how he can make anywhere feel like a home.

“Hi,” he says, and Liam stops humming, he turns around to smile at Louis. He looks so genuinely pleased to see him that Louis feels a little lightheaded 

“Sandwich?” he asks holding it out, Louis shrugs, smiling softly

“Sure,” he takes it and hops up on the bench, chewing on it while Liam starts making another “Thought you were off with Harry and Niall?”

“Was gonna” he says “But I fancied a bit of a quiet day, away from lots of people you know” Louis nods, swinging his legs a little as he watches Liam work

“What about you?, you’ve been tucked away lately” Louis shrugs again

“Writing” he says around a bite of the sandwich, it’s not a complete lie, he’s got to vent about this somehow, what with no one to talk to, turning it into a song is as good as anything else

“Oh yeah?”

“Just dumb stuff, nothing to like get excited over”

“I’m sure it’s all brill” and it’s perfectly sincere, Liam has nothing but faith in him, Louis’ chest tightens.

“It will be once you jump on it” he says, honest, unable to ruin this with something dumb, something less real. Liam grins at him, eyes crinkling; leaning against the bench close enough that Louis’ leg brushes against his side “We’re a good team” 

“The best” he agrees, taking a bite of his sandwich, his warm brown eyes shine in the afternoon sunlight and Louis can’t bring himself to look away from them, what’s left of his own sandwich loosely gripped and forgotten as he takes in the sharp lines of Liam’s face, he feels like he’s burning at the points where they’re touching. Liam’s brow crinkles and Louis quickly tears his gaze away, opening his mouth to say something to fill the silence before it gets awkward but Liam sways a little closer, small smile on his face as he reaches up, brushing away the crumbs lingering on Louis’ lip with his thumb. His breath hitches at the contact and it takes everything in him to not grab hold of Liam’s strong arm, to pull him closer, between his thighs, suck his fingers into his mouth and- He jerks away from Liam’s hand, clearing his throat and jumping down from the counter, tossing the rest of the sandwich back onto the plate 

“Uh, thanks for the food mate” he says, instead of _I love you_ , instead of _please kiss me,_ and retreats back to the bunks. He takes a few deep breaths before throwing on some sweats and shoving a beanie over his messy hair, he has no idea where he’s gonna go but he knows he has to get out, maybe it’s not too late to catch up to Harry and Niall-

“Going out?” Louis startles, whipping around to see Liam standing behind him, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck, a wry twist to his lips, Louis stutters

“Yeah, uh, I’m just- just a walk, fresh air and all that”

“Want company?”

“No” he rushes “I mean- thanks just, I’m good” he shuffles past him, trying to ignore the kicked puppy look on Liam’s face, he just really can’t be around him right now “I’ll see you later yeah?” Liam’s soft ‘yeah’ follows him out the bus door, he cringes at himself but keeps walking. 

-

He ends up walking around aimlessly till the sun starts to set, by  the time he makes it back Harry and Niall are too, Harry throws him an odd look when he enters the bus 

“Where’ve you been?” he asks, Louis shrugs eyes flicking to the couch where Liam and Niall are hunched over xbox controllers laughing, it's been hours and his lips haven't stopped tingling

“Just out” he says trying to avoid Harry’s sharp gaze, he hums consideringly

“Right” he says “Out” Louis pulls off his beanie and chucks it at him, hitting him in the chest, Harry huffs a laugh tossing it back. “Feeling up to going for a drink?” he asks “Or you going to ditch us again?”

“I didn’t ditch you”

“You said you didn’t want to go out today” he points out “And off you went anyway, without us”

“That’s-“ he tries, not knowing what to say, “I wasn’t planning to” he settles on, Harry hums again

“Alright” he says and Louis can tell he's kind of hurt, he winces, wanting to apologise without knowing how to;  Niall cheers loudly, breaking the conversation and interrupting anything he was going to say, Louis looks over to where he’s now dancing on the couch with Liam pouting up at him

“Alright alright” he huffs “We get it, you won, good job” 

“Bloody good job” Niall counters, chugging his drink, he looks over to Harry and Louis “Lou you’re back!” he says raising his glass in greeting  “So what’dya reckon Pub tonight?” he asks around the rim of his Guinness, Harry raises an eyebrow at him

“May as well” he says accidentally catching Liam’s eye, Liam gives him a small smile, he figures he could use some alcohol right about now.

-

The place is packed when they get there, pushing their way to the bar to order their drinks, Louis loves pubs like this, old packed pubs on Saturday nights where no one cares about you as much as they care about getting drunk, they’re good places to disappear into. Harry lines up a row of tequila shots that Louis knows are for no one but Harry himself and Niall orders more of the Guinness he’s been continually drinking on the ride over. Louis orders two vodka sodas without thinking, so used to grabbing Liam’s drink when he grabs his; he sighs, there’s an uncomfortable itch to his skin now, like every time he forgets himself and leans into Liam like he used to; like he wants to. He chugs the first one as soon as it’s put in front of him, finishing it off before anyone can notice and grabs the other one, moving out of the way of the people behind him. He hears Liam cheer and looksto the side to see Harry and Niall racing to finish their drinks, Harry throwing back his shots and Niall chugging his pint. 

His smile is weaker than he wants it to be watching them, he takes a deep breath and orders another drink, taking both and shuffling away, eyeing an empty booth tucked into the corner of the pub, he figures the others are distracted enough that he can drink away his troubles without much interruption. He only lasts through one vodka soda before Harry sits down in front of him, he pulls Louis’ other drink from his grip and holds it away from him as he tries to grab it back, Louis glares at him

“That’s mine”

“It is” Harry agrees easily, wrapping his big hands around the glass, he’s doing the thing Harry does where he knows something’s wrong so he stares at you like he can make you ok just by sheer force of will. Louis doesn’t ever have the heart to tell him that sometimes there’s some things he just can’t fix, Harry sighs at him like he knows what he’s thinking

“Lou” he says, and Louis can tell when he’s about to be mother henned, it’s probably too late to pre-empt it but he still tries

“I’m fine Haz”

“Sure” he says eyebrows quirked in a way that lets Louis know he’s not going to buy anything he tries to bullshit, fucking Harry Styles, he’s a perceptive little shit when he wants to be

“No need for the concern Harold” he tries again, Harry frowns at him “Everything’s good in this corner of the world” he sweeps an arm to display the booth 

“Liam thinks you’re mad at him about something” Louis tries hard not to flinch at the mention of Liam, but something must show on his face because Harry frowns again “You know if you tell him what it is he’ll apologise, it’s Liam” and yeah isn’t that exactly the problem, it’s  _Liam_ , and even if Louis did get a brain injury and decided to tell Liam how he feels he’d be so  _Liam_  about it, and even just thinking about the puppy dog eyes and sincere apology that he ‘just doesn’t feel the same way’ makes Louis nauseous

“I’m not mad at Liam” that gets him raised eyebrows “I’m not” he stresses “I’m not mad at anyone” Harry nods accepting it

“Then what’s wrong?”

“Nothing” 

“Sure” the drag of it makes the disbelief linger “Just- whatever it is that’s bothering you Lou, maybe try dealing with it” a flash of anger moves through Louis then, because he’s fucking trying dammit but turns out he can’t just turn this shit off and really he’s just been aiming to muddle through until he can

“Yeah well I can’t deal with it right now or whatever” He snaps, eyes flicking toward the bar, he sees Harry following his line of vision to where Liam is sitting talking to Niall, he’s laughing in the full body way he does with Niall, it’s like sunshine, pure happiness, it kinda hurts to look at

“Oh” Harry says blinking at Louis  _“Oh”_

“Yeah” he sighs, god he’s so tired, can’t even muster up enough energy to care that he just let Harry in on this

“Fuck” Louis reaches across the table and pulls his drink from Harry’s slack hands, throwing it back like a shot

“Yep” he agrees

“Again?” Louis winces at that, looking back at Harry’s face and thinks- fuck it.

“Still” he says and Harry freezes, the shock hangs between them, figures, it’s been years since Louis told Harry about his crush on Liam, first week actually, how time flies

“Lou-“

“Don’t Haz, just- don’t” 

“Ok” he says because he’s good like that, but he won’t let Louis go get another drink.

-

Turns out Harry knowing is as annoying as Louis knew it would be. Because while Harry knew about the crush back in the day, that was before it was a Big Thing; before Liam really settled himself in Louis’ chest, under his skin. Back when they’d talk about stuff like that, kid stuff, tucked up together in too small bunks, on top of the world. It’s not kid stuff now though, at least it doesn’t feel like it anymore, it’s grown quite exponentially in the time Louis’ been ignoring it and Harry knows that now, knows it never went away. It’s like he’s got a living breathing timer ticking in his ear and Louis’ gonna lose it, he really truly is, Harry’s got a big mouth and a big heart and Louis loves him for both but if he doesn’t shut up soon he’s gonna get punched. 

“But I just don’t- I don’t get the problem?” Harry says for possibly the fifteenth time in ten minutes, he’s cornered Louis while he’s packing in his hotel room. It’s been 3 days since he found out and he’s taken that time to decide that Louis’ being unreasonable not wanting to tell Liam how he feels. Louis groans into his hands;

“What about it isn’t a problem Harry?”

“It’s just- it’s Liam” he says like that explains everything “You know he’s a complete sap for you Lou” Louis just stares at him, maybe if he stares long enough something big and heavy will fall on Harry’s head and he’ll forget everything about Louis’ moment of insanity in telling him anything about this. Harry stares back, Louis gives up on waiting for an anvil. 

“He’s straight”

“He might not be” Harry argues, Louis sighs at him

“He has a girlfriend” 

“Ah” Harry says motioning to him, acknowledging the point,

“Ah”

“Still might not be straight” Louis throws up his hands 

“It doesn’t matter either way Harry, I’m not a home wrecker” he huffs, chucking a pair of socks at him where he’s lounging on Louis’ bed, he dodges them but it’s the thought the counts

“So what’s the plan then?”

“The plan is the exact same as it was before, to ignore it till I die” Harry throws him a look, sighing dramatically 

“You always have the worst plans” He says sincerely and Louis squawks, affronted despite himself

“I have the best plans!” 

“You have the worst plans” Harry says again “like historically, the worst; you set hotel room curtains on fire trying to prank Paul” which is a low blow, they’re not supposed to talk about that, they agreed

“That was an accident!” he hisses “and an isolated incident”

“What about that time you set fire to Niall’s kitchen? or when you set fire to-“

“Yes thank you Harold we get it, I’m not allowed to play with matches, shall I call and alert my Mother?”

“I’m sure she already knows” he smirks, Louis grumbles, shoving more clothes into his suitcase, there’s a bunch of Liam’s shirts tucked in with his, he holds them tight, not sure how they even ended up there, he closes his eyes. 

“Lou” Harry says softly, Louis opens his eyes to look at him as he moves to sit up, and uh oh serious Harry has entered the conversation “Just- I want you to be happy you know? You deserve to be happy”

“I am happy” he says letting the shirts go

“Sure” he agrees “You’d be happier with him though” and Louis can’t deny it, he tries to, but whatever he was going to say dies in his throat under Harry’s gentle gaze. Fucking Harry Styles. Louis climbs onto the bed and lays down next to him, Harry turns and throws an arm over his torso, the whole thing is digging at Louis’ chest, he can feel tears filling his eyes, Harry squeezes him. “Can’t believe you picked Liam over me” he says and Louis laughs squeezing him back.

-

He sneaks into Liam’s room the next morning throwing the shirts into the pile of clothes in the corner, he just, he can’t have those pieces, if he’s really going to let go, it has to be of everything.

\- 

He’s been hiding out in his hotel room all day, managing to dodge Niall and his attempts to lure him into some kind of prank he’s got planned for Paul, Louis’ pretty sure he’s accidentally made him think he’s dying by pretending to be too tired to join in.

There’s a knock on his door and it’s the third time in like a minute that Niall’s harassed him, he might actually be worried, Louis pulls the door open ready to tell him that ‘he’s _fine_ Nialler seriously, just tired’ and comes face to face with Liam. He grins brightly at Louis, scuffing his trainers against the ground, he doesn’t ask to come in and Louis doesn’t offer

“Hey” he says “Niall’s off causing havoc somewhere, Harry with you?”

“Nah I think he’s grabbing something to eat with the band”

“Oh” he nods “Well I was gonna-“ he clears his throat “Wanna grab some boards and go round the stadium?” he asks and Louis already feels like a dick, knowing he’s gonna say no

“Sorry Li" he says watching Liam’s smile fall a fraction "Got some stuff to do” 

“Still writing?” he asks and Louis nods, lying, he’s been doing a lot of that lately “Well as long as you show me when you’re done”

“Course” he agrees knowing the half scribbled lyrics he rushed out when it all got a little too much are a little too honest to ever leave his notebook “Yeah of course”

“Alright uh, see you at rehearsal then” 

“Yeah yeah see you”

He heads off back down the hall and Louis watches his back for a moment before shutting the door, guilt claws at his throat as he makes his way back to his bed, turning off the lights before sliding under the covers and squeezing his eyes shut, he’s fine, it hurts sure but it’s necessary, the distance is good. 

He’s been lying on his side doing nothing but staring at the wall for a while when Niall busts in, he’s got blue paint down one side of his face and a little coating his messy hair 

“Oi Lou you awake?” he asks squinting into the dark room

“No” he responds and there’s something in his voice probably because he sees Niall freeze a little before softly shutting the door and making his way over, he kicks off his shoes and climbs onto the bed snuggling in behind Louis

“You ok?” he asks, Louis blinks, throat tight

“I don’t know” Niall wraps a strong arm around him and Louis lets himself relax back into his hold 

-

Rehearsals went by without a hitch but nothing really ever prepares him for the real thing, the energy in the stadium is electric like always; they’re all buzzing, it’s been a killer show so far and Louis’ bouncing on his heels, shaking out of his skin, soaked through from a water fight two songs ago and absolutely on top of the world. There’s nothing like a concert to shake him out of himself, to get him out of his head 

There’s a lull between songs as they take a breather, Harry’s chatting nonsense to the audience and Niall’s trying to hide rude gestures he’s shooting Liam from the cameras. Louis’ busy trying to find where he left his mic when he notices Harry looking at him

“You seen my mic?” he calls, Harry points to Niall’s mic stand, ah. He makes his way over to grab it, Harry’s eyes tracking him across the stage, Louis raises an eyebrow at him ’What?’ he mouths and Harry smirks at him before turning back to the audience, Oh shit, Louis thinks immediately, he knows that smirk, whatever’s about to happen is not gonna be good. He’s already inching towards Niall, maybe together they can intervene with what Harry has planned

“Here at One Direction we like to spread the love around, anyone here on a date?”

He grabs Niall by the elbow as Harry begins searching the crowd, he tries to communicate through eyebrows that he needs Niall’s help to derail this, Niall makes a face and a vague arm, shrug gesture that is really of no help. Louis points to himself, then to Niall, then to Harry, then makes a fast cutting motion across his neck, Niall squints at him, making a series of complicated hand motions that Louis’ sure don’t actually mean anything and fuck it honestly, he can do this himself, he turns around to grab a drink, a water bottle over the head will do it, he’s sure, nothing like ice cold water dripping over your face to distract you from what you’re doing. He turns back to Harry who’s found himself a victim in the audience, tuning back in to the conversation 

“-Is this the thing where you pretend that you’re best friends and everyone’s scared to tell each other how they really feel?” He asks them but he looks over to Louis pointedly, flicking his eyes over to Liam and then back to him, Louis freezes, Fucking Harry Styles, he’s a right bastard and Louis’ really gonna kill him one day. He’s just lucky they’re on stage right now and that Louis draws the line at killing little girl’s idols in front of them, no matter how annoying and meddling those idols may be.

Harry’s moved on now, pointing out other couples in the audience, having done what he set out to do, but Louis’ not listening, he’s done a good job at making the distance he’s putting between himself and Liam look natural and normal and nothings-going-on-here-absolutely-not but now he feels every inch stretching between them, he can feel himself tensing up, still frozen in the middle of the stage, Niall shoots him a funny look, fucking Harry Styles.

“Harry’s really outdoing himself huh?” Liam laughs coming out of nowhere, Louis startles, he’s so close, talking right into his ear, hot breath brushing over his neck and Louis just about sprints away from him, turning quickly and chucking the rest of the bottle of water at Liam, trying to turn the awkwardness into banter, it almost works, maybe. Liam splutters as the water hits his face, grinning widely, reaching for his own water bottle to retaliate but Louis’ already darting away to pick up his mic, next song slowly building as the crowd screams, he makes sure both Harry and Niall are between him and Liam before picking a spot to stand. He doesn’t catch Liam’s eyes for the rest of the concert.

-

Clubbing was probably not the best idea but Louis wanted to get drunk, and alone in his hotel room on mini bar alcohol isn’t a good look. Clubbing became definitely not the best idea after Liam decided to join him an hour in, surprising him at the bar with a wide smile and the promise of the next couple drinks on him. He was already toeing the line of drunk before Liam got there and now he’s well past wasted, throwing back another tequila shot that Liam presses into his hand, so he barely protests when Liam drags him out on the dance floor.

He tries his best to keep some distance between them despite the crush of bodies pressing them together, brain working slower but still conscious enough to not let himself go completely. The neon lights are throwing Liam’s jawline into sharp relief, and Louis can see his strong muscles shifting under his tight shirt, he’s beautiful and unavailable and the best fucking friend Louis’ ever had and he’s drunk and not going to do anything stupid.

“How’s Sophia?” he asks, to remind himself, to see the love shine in Liam’s eyes and forcefully pull himself back from dangerous thoughts. Liam winces, rubbing at the back of his neck and Louis’ confused until he answers 

“We uh- we broke up” and then his mind just stops; he’s looking at Liam under the club lights and the previous chant of ‘Sophia Sophia Sophia’ ‘Girlfriend Girlfriend Girlfriend’ dies and is replaced by the pushed down _want_ that’s aching to be acted on, and it takes all of his self control to pull himself out of that

“She broke up with you?” he asks because he can’t picture it, can’t imagine having Liam and letting him go

“Uh- No”

“You broke up with her?” that’s honestly even more of a shock, Liam never breaks up with anyone, he’s got a bleeding heart and a stubborn streak that could rival Louis’ on it’s best day. Liam always tries to make it work. "What’s wrong with you?" and that’s not really what he meant to say but with everything going on in his head it honestly could have been worse

“I- what?” Liam says confused, clearly not expecting that either

"No, I mean- I-“ Louis flounders, waving his arms “Don't you want to be happy?" he asks, understanding flickers over Liam’s face then and he sighs, running a hand through his hair

“Yeah” he says “But being together, it wasn’t making either of us happy” 

“But you-“ Louis has no idea what to say, drunk and taken off guard by this entire situation “You loved her” Liam nods

“I did” 

“Are you ok?” he finally asks, it should have been the first thing, but his world is slightly off its axis right now, Liam smiles softly

“Yeah Lou, I’m ok”

“How long?” Liam winces again

“About 3 weeks”

“You didn’t tell me”

“Yeah I just- I didn’t want anyone worrying, I wasn’t trying to keep anything from you” he assures “And you’ve been, you know, tucked away lately; I didn’t wanna bother you” and Louis feels like an ass immediately, it’s been a long time since Liam’s worried about bothering him

“You’re not a bother Li” he says “You’re never a bother” and he just wants to kiss him, wants to touch him so badly he can feel his hands shake, Liam’s dark brown eyes are shining and Louis could ruin him right now. “I, have to- bathroom” he pushes his way off the dance floor, shoving through the mass of bodies and heads directly for the door. He can’t be here, not right now, not this drunk; he fumbles his way through asking the bouncer to call him a car and does his best to not throw up while waiting for it. 

He doesn’t know how long he stands just inside the door, away from the flashing cameras right outside, waiting for his ride, he uses what’s left of his mental capacity convincing himself not to be stupid and go back and find Liam. He’s single, he’s single and he’s gorgeous and Louis’ so in love with him he could scream and he’s not going to do a thing about it.

The bouncer taps on his shoulder motioning outside and Louis pulls himself together enough to make a quick forward march out past the paps, he climbs into the car and sends Liam a text to let him know he’s feeling sick and heading back to the hotel, he feels like such an asshole leaving him like that, he’s been feeling like that a lot lately, like a terrible friend, but he knows it’s for the best.

-

He’s been dodging Liam more than usual for the last couple days, it’s like now he doesn’t have a girlfriend Louis feels like he’s lost all filter, he’s blaming Harry, he’s blaming Harry for everything forever starting right now with this. It’s the least subtle he's been, at least till now he had _some_ plausible deniability but he knows Liam’s fully noticed now, knows something’s wrong, knows Louis’ not just busy or tired or writing.

They’re waiting in the green room of another venue for Paul to get everything together before they leave and he can feel Liam looking at him, eyes burning holes into the side of his face, Louis hasn’t spoken to him all day, not a single word, even when they weren’t really friends Louis spoke to him. He’s been clinging onto Harry for hours, using him as a human shield to avoid any potential Liam contact; he knows he can’t keep this up forever but he’s damned if he’s not going to for as long as possible.

Harry sighs at him, his sighs have been getting progressively heavier and more pointed as the day has gone on, Louis knows he's annoyed to be in the middle of this but he can feel the other shoe about to drop, he knows Liam's right on the precipice of finding out and really he's just honestly scared. 

"This is ridiculous" Harry whispers, pursing his lips and he's right but Louis' not about to admit that right now

"I-" he starts

“-Alright boys" Paul says ducking into the room and cutting him off "Car’s are all ready to go”  Louis grips onto Harry’s arm and Harry immediately shakes him off

“I’m sick of playing buffer Lou” he hisses, jaw clenching “Figure your shit out” he gets up from next to him, walking across the room and out the door, Louis sees Liam straighten up in his periphery 

“Lou-“ 

“Niall!” Louis calls loudly over Liam, jumping off the couch and grabbing Niall by his collar “Let’s get some food huh?” he drags Niall off before he can say anything and doesn’t slow down till they’re all the way out of the venue and climbing into one of the cars waiting for them.

“Back to the hotel please” Niall tells the driver, settling back into the seat and looking at him sideways in a way that’s making Louis’ skin itch, quiet and judging, making the air in the car feel almost suffocating

“What?” he asks, cracking, Niall shrugs 

“Nothing” he says “I mean you’re an idiot but that’s not new so”

“I’m just-“

“-Acting like a coward is what you’re doing” he says holding eye contact “And you’re not Lou, not usually” he looks so serious, so sympathetic that Louis has to look away from him, Niall sighs turning to look out the window. They’re silent for the rest of the ride and Louis’ shaking with the need to say something to fill the quiet but he can’t think of anything good enough, anything that wouldn’t sound like bullshit or avoidance, he knows from the hard set to Niall’s brow he wouldn’t appreciate any of it.

The car pulls around the back of the hotel and Niall climbs out, turning back to look at Louis, pushing his lips into a flat line

“I just-“ he starts, “I’m not telling you to do anything you don’t want to Lou, but you’re acting like this because you’re scared and you have nothing to really be scared of” he sighs “Just- talk to him ok, we don’t need more secrets, we can’t do that again” he leaves after that and Louis doesn’t know how long he stays there staring out the open door but it’s long enough that the driver clears his throat and asks if he’s ok

“Yeah mate” he says snapping out of it “Uh thanks” he clammers out of the car, shutting the door and making his way inside the hotel, he knows Niall’s right, Louis hasn’t been thinking to himself this whole time that what he’s doing is noble and self sacrificing he knows he’s being a coward but he doesn’t want anything to change, and as much as he knows Liam will fight for it not to, it will be weird between them if he cops to these feelings. But he has to, if it’s gonna make him act like this, he has to. 

-

It shouldn’t surprise him, the knock on his hotel room door, after he’s managed not to talk to Liam all day, after he ignored him, grabbed Niall and left like that. There’s no way it’s not Liam coming to talk to him, he feels cornered, caged, debates not answering, just pretending not to be in but he remembers what Niall said, he knows he’s got to have this conversation and he’s kind of sick of feeling like a coward.

He opens the door and Liam’s there, dressed in soft sweats with his hair still slightly damp, he looks like he had a shower then came right over, his hands are in his pockets and his doing that thing he does when he’s nervous where his shoulders are up to his ears and he won’t meet Louis’ eyes

“Can I come in?” and it’s hesitant, hesitant in a way Liam hasn’t been with him since the beginning, like he really thinks Louis’ gonna say no, like he’s gonna shut the door in his face. Louis did that to him. Shit. 

“Course” he says moving aside, Liam shuffles in, looking around the room like it’s not the exact same as his own “So what’s up?" 

“Nothing, just-“ Liam takes a deep breath in, he looks like he’s working himself up to something and Louis knows, he knows where this is going, it’s fight or flight, and he’s never been that good at walking away from Liam. “Why have you been avoiding me?” he rushes out, still not looking at Louis

“I haven’t-“

“Lou” he cuts him off “Did I- Did I do something?” and it’s so quiet and so unsure and fuck, shit, he’s  _so fucked_ , he’s not so much of an asshole that he’s gonna let Liam think he did something wrong but that means this is it, he’s got to cop to his feelings, Liam will be able to tell if he’s lying and that’ll convince him that he  _did_  do something and Louis’ just not telling him. He sucks in a breath, not sure how to say it so that it won’t be so jarring, so intense, but Liam’s looking at him, his kind brown eyes boring into Louis’ and he can feel all the fight fall out of him, everything crashes down and Louis just really doesn’t care

“I love you” he says before he can choke on it, Liam blinks at him and Louis sighs, rubbing a hand over his face 

“What?”

He shrugs “I just, I love you” he says again, “I’m  _in_  love with you” and it's been so long now that it's just another fact about him, no big deal, Liam already knows everything else, why not give him this too. There’s a long silence and for once Louis doesn’t feel the need to fill it, he walks over to his bed and sits down, he doesn’t know what happens now, his heart’s in his hands, his throat.

“Do you mean that like I think you mean that?” Louis shrugs again “Lou- tell me, tell me you’re not taking the piss, this isn’t some elaborate prank because I- I dunno- broke your skateboard or woke you up early or something”

“No” he says, voice cracking on the word, he clears it “No I- no” it’s getting harder to breathe the longer he sits there staring at his hands but he honestly doesn’t know if he could move if he tried

“Ok then” Louis looks up at Liam then, furrowing his brow at the look on his face

“Ok then?”

“Ok then” he repeats before walking over to where Louis’ sitting, pulling him up by his shirt and crushing his mouth against his. Louis kisses back automatically, hands coming up to tangle in Liam’s hair,  his lips are so soft where they’re moving against Louis’, his hands moving from the front of his shirt to around his back, sliding down until they settle at his hips. Louis bites at Liam’s bottom lip, his brain catching up to the situation when Liam moans, he pushes him away, blinking rapidly at the  sharp left turn

“Wait what?” he asks trying not to focus on how heavily they’re both breathing, how red Liam’s lips are, how they were just pressed against his

“You’re such a moron Lou” he says but he’s smiling so wide his eyes are crinkling “Is that seriously why you’ve been avoiding me?” Louis splutters, beyond confused at this point,

“You’re straight” he says and Liam raises an eyebrow, squeezing where his hands are still settled on Louis’ hips

“Not so much” which, you know; fair.

“You don’t feel the same way” Louis argues and Liam’s laughing at him now, it’s quite rude all things considered “Oi! it’s not funny”

“It kind of is” he points out pulling Louis more flush against him “Imagine thinking I wouldn’t want you” he says as if it’s ridiculous, as if Louis hasn’t been thinking exactly that for years, something must show on his face because Liam frowns at him “Louis you’re-“ he huffs “You’re you, you’re-impossible; everyone knows I’m easy for you” 

“Oh” he breathes, “Ok” he’s gonna need a second to allow his entire worldview to finish flipping, he’s still not entirely sure this is really happening

“Lou?”

“Are you really?”  

“Really what?”

“Easy for me?” Liam rolls his eyes, hand coming up to brush at Louis’ cheek 

“Of course I am” he says looking into Louis’ eyes and it’s so honest, so much; it’s maybe just a bit more than Louis can take, and for a wild second he thinks he might actually cry, he takes a deep breath, looking down at his shoes for a moment before looking back up

“So- uh, what happens now?” Liam grins at him

“Well maybe we should talk” he says brushing his nose against Louis’, lips hovering over his, Louis’ entire body is burning, on edge,  

“Right” he says swaying into it, hands around Liam’s neck moving back into his hair “Talking’s good”  he steps even closer, the entire line of his body right against Liam’s, flexes his fingers in his hair and tugs a bit, Liam’s eyes darken at that, a shiver moving through his chest

“Fuck it” he breathes before cupping Louis’ jaw, crushing his mouth back against Louis’ with what feels a lot like desperation, Louis loses any train of thought he had, brain shutting down completely. It’s sort of ridiculous, how warm and soft Liam’s lips are, Liam groans against his mouth, tongue slipping out to touch at Louis’ bottom lip, pushing at it. Louis shudders before Liam’s tongue is even in his mouth, helpless and shaking, his hands have clenched tightly in Liam’s hair, Liam’s fingers clutch hard at the front of Louis’ shirt like he might be stupid enough to go anywhere now he’s finally where he’s always wanted to be. 

“Well it’s about bloody time” a voice says cutting into the moment, they startle, pulling away from each other, Louis turns to see Harry and Niall leaning in the doorway 

“Oi perverts this isn’t a open invite” he gripes, it comes out less chastising then he means it because of how out of breath he is, Harry smirks at that, Louis glares at him

“Hey we knocked, not our fault you were too busy to hear it” Niall says waggling his eyebrows at them, Louis pretends to throw up 

“Please leave thank you” he says reaching back for Liam, liking how easily he reattaches himself to Louis

“After all the effort we put into making this happen” Harry tuts “No respect, not even a thanks” Liam shakes his head, letting go of Louis to walk over to them

“Thank you Harry, Niall” he says pushing them out into the hallway, reaching out to grab the spare hotel key from Harry’s hands “We appreciate it” he closes the door on them, and Louis sniggers at the muffled protests and loud knocking that follow, Liam laughs with him shaking his head again, it takes a moment before Harry and Niall finally leave and then it's just them again. Louis feels weirdly a little exposed standing in the middle of the room as Liam leans back against the door watching him, he crosses his arms over his chest and sucks in a breath

“So” he says

“So” Liam parrots making his way back over to Louis, taking his hand and tugging him onto the bed “We should probably actually talk” Louis nods, reaching up to brush a strand of hair off of Liam’s forehead, gently moving his fingers down his cheek, swiping at the bags under his eye

“Tomorrow” he decides, pulling at Liam to move further up the bed “Right now I’m bloody exhausted”  Liam chuckles "And you are too, so we're going to bed"

“Alright” he says helping Louis manoeuvre them both under the covers, reaching up to get the light switch, he pulls Louis so his back is against his chest, he melts back into Liam's strong arms, feeling the last month of stress and hurt and worry drain out of him in the face of Liam’s warm embrace. Years, and now he's here, they're here, together.

“Lou?” he whispers

“Yeah?”

“I love you too” he says hugging him just a bit tighter and Louis links his fingers through Liam’s, holds them against his chest grinning into the darkness.

“Go to sleep Liam”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> can't believe how long it took for me to get around to posting this lmao


End file.
